I turned 39 in October and while I didn't feel one way or another by it, once January rolled around I did start to feel bothered by my weight. Some how I had this thought in my head, that I didn't look as bad as I did. That I wasn't as fat, as I am. I have a picture of me in my mind and it is the picture of me from 1992. Only with better hair. And better teeth. And yer when I look in the mirror? I cringe and stare harder, looking for the girl that is in my mind's eye.
She isn't there. She has been gone a long time. And in January I decided I wanted some of her back. I want the trouble of clothes being too big and too loose, rather than too tight. I want to be able to shop in the juniors section and not only the women's. I want to feel sexy and hot and fabulous, no matter what I am doing. I want to see myself the way my husband sees me. And I want to be healthy and have the energy to play with my kids instead of feel tired all. the. time.
While most people were posting and sharing resolutions and people joked about how the gym would be packed for a few months until everyone fell of the "lose weight - get in shape" wagon I quietly decided I was going to actually do it and stick with it. The thing is I was never truly comfortable at the gym. Alone I would go in and try to lift weights and so some cardio. But it just never felt like I was doing enough or even doing it right. So I opted to watch what I ate first. And paired that with some Couch 25K training. The training didn't last long as shin pain stopped me at about week 3. And the truth is I have never loved running, so the thought of spending over 100$ on sneakers didn't sit well. So I kept watching what I ate and eventually signed up with Nutrisystem.
The first 5 pounds came off and I was stoked. Except that during the last half of the year I gained an extra 10 pounds. I also blame the Garcinia Cambogia pills I took that didn't work. But hey, 5 pounds, right? So I've stuck with it. It's been about 12 weeks and I've lost 18 pounds. But the best part is that I've found my workout. Pure Barre.
That's right for the last two months I've been busting my hump and taking Pure Barre classes 3 to 5 days a week. I've been eating 1500 calories or less and trying to be #fitby40. It's been hard and some weeks I am defeated by my progress via the scale. But I'm stronger and my arms are tight and my booty is looking pretty good.
Now I am no where near my ideal weight but I'm getting there. The truth is it is hard, really hard. For the last 5 years I have been breast-feeding and hid behind needing the extra calories. I also was lucky that I snacked A LOT and didn't gain even more weight. Some how that led me to believe that I looked okay. But then you start to look at pictures and you realize that no, just no. I have to give my husband a lot of credit...he has never issued a word to me about eating right or hitting the gym or any of it. He has accepted me at what has been my biggest and right now is my biggest fan. Of course, he wins as I lose weight too. I mean...more energy means more bow-chicka-bow-wow, right? And what man doesn't want that?
So here is some photo evidence: